In a World Where You Can Be Anything, Be Kind—Through Vulnerability
- Abhisweta Bhattacharjee
- Jan 24
- 6 min read
vul·ner·a·bil·i·ty
[ˌvəln(ə)rəˈbilədē]
noun
the quality or state of being exposed to the possibility of being attacked or harmed, either physically or emotionally
How many of you are uncomfortable with exposing yourself to the possibility of being hurt?
Dumb question.
Let’s be real: feeling hurt and disappointed after being backstabbed or cheated sucks. So does having unmet expectations, especially in your closest relationships. Feeling misunderstood, having your kindness taken for granted—these are moments that made me question whether it’s worth being welcoming at all. It’s as if I wear my heart on my sleeve, exposing myself to the possibility of having my “goodness” misused.
Sometimes the fallout is tolerable. Other times, it’s devastating—enough to make me hit rock bottom.
A person close to me recently called me “naive” for assuming people are inherently good. While their comment came from a place of concern, it stung. It made me think, Of course, my natural instinct should be to protect myself! If I keep letting people hurt me, I must be foolish.
Logically, this makes sense. However, I’ve tried to not “dive deep” with people. I avoided going out of my way for others, and I became less accommodating. But it didn’t feel like me. Pretending to be emotionally distant or overly composed wasn’t authentic.
Oddly enough, when I lean into my natural tendency to be vulnerable, I find myself forging deeper, more meaningful connections than most people around me. I’ve become the person others turn to when they need a safe space to share or when they’re feeling emotional. It's almost like a superpower.
And then it hit me—this “superpower” stems from being emotionally available. By creating a safe space for authentic, trusting conversations, I’m able to foster emotional intimacy. Vulnerability, while risky, has been the key to forming the most rewarding relationships in my life. And forming meaningful interpersonal relationships is just one of the many gifts that come from embracing vulnerability.
When I allow myself to be vulnerable, I also become more aligned to my own emotions and am able to feel them freely instead of bottling them up. By being attuned to my inner world, I’ve learned to navigate my mind and introspect, leading to self-discovery (although the concept of “self” is always up for debate). Because I’m willing to engage with the complexity and diversity of the external world, I’ve learned not to shy away from engaging with my inner world in the same way. In short, I feel no hesitation about bringing my authentic self to the table.
So having a sense of belonging through meaningful connections and accepting uncomfortable feelings work together to give me the third gift of vulnerability - emotional resilience. Being vulnerable often means stepping out of my emotional comfort zone, which has made me familiar with unpleasant emotions like rejection, failure, or judgment. With repeated exposure, these feelings have become less intimidating over time. (For example, I used to be terrified of being judged when I was younger and would act “cool” to fit in. Now? Not so much.) This familiarity has given me the confidence, flexibility, and grit to bounce back from uncomfortable situations. Paradoxically, by exposing myself to emotional risks, I’ve actually become stronger.
Barriers to Vulnerability
If vulnerability is so cool, why is it so hard to practice?
Somewhere along the timeline of human history, someone decided that showing vulnerability was akin to showing up to a war armed with cotton candy. This is a dangerous myth.
Fear of vulnerability is deeply ingrained in many of us. One common fear is that being open will lead to being taken advantage of, betrayed, or judged. Though valid, this fear can create significant emotional barriers. In extreme cases, an intense fear of vulnerability, often tied to a condition called alexithymia, can lead to emotional numbness—a state where individuals struggle to identify or express their feelings altogether. This emotional disconnection can isolate people and prevent them from forming meaningful relationships.
One of the biggest barriers to vulnerability is shame. As Dr. Brené Brown explains, shame is “the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love, belonging, and connection.” Shame tells us that if we reveal our true selves, we’ll be judged, rejected, or ridiculed. Individuals with higher levels of shame were more likely to avoid vulnerability and authentic self-expression. This avoidance often leads to feelings of loneliness and decreased emotional well-being, creating a vicious cycle.
Cultural and societal norms also play a significant role. Men, in particular, are often taught to associate vulnerability with weakness. They’re told to “man up” or “not cry like a girl.” Women face their own challenges, often labeled “too sensitive” or “overly emotional” when they express vulnerability. These harmful stereotypes discourage us from opening up.
Vulnerability and Mental Growth
As children, we’re naturally open and unafraid to express ourselves. But as we 'adult', rejection and judgment harden us, leading to suppressed emotions and negative self-talk. While this may feel like a protective mechanism, it leaves us disconnected and stagnant.
Vulnerability, however, allows us to break free from these patterns. I personally have observed the three key benefits of vulnerability, and research seems to support the observations I made above -
Better Emotional Health: Expressing emotions openly in a safe environment helps us process them in a healthy way and experience better mental health outcomes like release and joy. Suppression, on the other hand, often leads to numbness, isolation, anxiety and depression. People who suppress their own emotions often struggle to connect deeply with others, which can make them appear cold or indifferent.
Self-Awareness and Growth: A study in the Journal of Positive Psychology (2016) found that self-awareness significantly predicts reflective self-improvement, acceptance, and proactivity. Vulnerability helps us accept imperfection as a natural part of being human—and this acceptance allows us to extend empathy and grace to others as well.
Resilience: A 2019 study in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology revealed that individuals who are more open to experiencing and expressing their emotions tend to adapt better to stress. This fosters emotional resilience. Facing fears of rejection or failure repeatedly makes these emotions less intimidating over time.
Cultivating Vulnerability
Practicing vulnerability takes immense courage, strength, and self-acceptance. Vulnerability invites us to confront our fears of rejection, judgment, or emotional exposure and grow stronger through the process. But how exactly can we cultivate it?
Journaling for Reflection Writing down your thoughts and emotions can be a powerful way to explore your inner world. Journaling helps you identify patterns in your thinking, uncover emotional blockages, and create a safe space to be honest with yourself. A chapter published in The Oxford handbook of health psychology (2011) shows that expressive writing helps people process difficult experiences and improves emotional well-being.
Practice Mindfulness and Self-Awareness Being mindful means staying present and accepting your emotions without judgment. Pay attention to how your body reacts to certain thoughts—our bodies often signal emotional truths we might ignore. Examples are tension in your chest or shoulders when becoming tensed, and lightness in your core when experiencing joy or release. Mindfulness reconnects you with yourself.
Meditate on Difficult Emotions Instead of avoiding uncomfortable emotions, sit with them. Self-honesty is key here. Acknowledge them without judgement, trace them back to their roots and explore what they’re trying to tell you.
Challenge Limiting Beliefs Identify the thoughts holding you back from practicing vulnerability. Are you afraid of being seen as weak? Do you worry about being judged? Once you’ve identified these beliefs, question their validity. Where did they come from? Replace them with kinder, more compassionate perspectives. For example, instead of thinking, “If I open up, people will hurt me,” try, “If I open up, I may deepen my connections with others.”
Set Intentional Goals Vulnerability doesn’t happen overnight. Start small. Share a personal thought with a trusted friend or allow yourself to express an emotion you’d usually hide. These small acts build trust with yourself and others, creating a foundation for deeper vulnerability over time.
A Word of Caution
Vulnerability is most powerful when shared with the right people. Opening up to someone who doesn’t respond with care or understanding can leave you feeling hurt and ashamed. Quite intuitive, but I learnt it the hard way. Before sharing, ask yourself: Is this someone I can trust?
Practicing discernment is key. Vulnerability isn’t about oversharing—it’s about being genuine and intentional in your interactions. Choose the right moments and people to open up to, and your vulnerability will strengthen connections rather than leaving you feeling exposed.
And for when caution doesn’t work and you feel tempted to close your heart, remember: what people do to you shows their personality—it shouldn’t force you to change yours.
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